Segways are the new cell phones

I've known from the very beginning that I don't like Segways. They are little motorized microcosms of all that's wrong with America. Segways are for self-involved, space-hogging, fat bums. They are the SUVs of the sidewalks. Segways are inappropriate, ineffective, and in-my-way. Which is why today I took particular delight in watching a Segway wreck not 5 feet in front of me. It was a Segway tour group, which if I start thinking about could really send me into a frenzy, so I won't. I'll focus on the crash. It was really more of a bump from behind, but it did send one driver? Segwayer? fat bum? off his ride and onto the ground. I tried not to laugh out loud, but then couldn't help shouting as I rode off, "Segways don't kill people. People kill people."


No one was injured. Sometimes exercise makes me lippy. Segway people might understand that if they tried it. Oooh. Burn.