Autumn has me thinking
or Man I hope this isn't plagiarism

I've mostly given up bursting into the living room to announce that some aspect of blogging, "BLOWS MY MIND." Generally, I've stopped thinking in those terms. I don't track who is reading except by comment, anecdote, and the conversational misstep where I'm told, "I know. I read that already."

I pretend that people visit here don't/can't/won't pin me down because I'm vague. I don't have a list of links or an about page. They don't really know me. My vagueness, my borderline incoherence has turned a few potential readers off. When I think of my blog as a writing tool, I find that discouraging. Not terribly discouraging, because as a writing tool, it's given me confidence to write in other venues, for nanowrimo, for my family, for me. To sit down and write is no longer such a battle. To sit down and write coherently... another story.

Obviously, my blog is not just a writing tool. When Anne first encouraged me and I responded directly to that encouragement, it became at least in part about the readers. It became about reaching out to people I had lost touch with. I was taking some of my cues from the more experienced bloggers in those circles. These were not just any readers, but the people I knew or wanted to know because they interested me, or at least interested people I knew, or they updated enough to make my blog addiction feel justified. Very quickly this blog became about community. I think it came just in time too, because as everyone "grows up" and gets busier my email traffic has plummeted. So I keep in touch or just meet and hang out with this online presence. Is it a little creepy and voyeuristic? Sometimes, yes.

So as a reader, it's a little creepy and as a writer it's invasive. I'm sharing my thoughts with the general online public. That's a little weird, and not at all like the paranoid person I thought I would be. I mean I blog, but I don't have a SmartTrip card because I don't want "them" to know I'm on the Metro (I don't want to pay the fee either, but these are issues for another post.) How can I worry about Big Brother watching and then serve him breakfast every day?

Creepy, voyeuristic, invasive and Autumn brings to light yet another drawback- privacy. I don't live my life in a vacuum. ('Cause that would suck, of course.) I interact with people. They're part of the story. Recently, my aunt threatened to avoid me when I went to visit my family because she didn't want to end up as blog fodder. That didn't work so well, but what should I do with people? Do I leave them out? Give them aliases? How much is their privacy worth? What if they have a blog? Should I wait until they mention something, before I do? So many questions.

Then. Finally, it boils down to just one question- Is blogging worth it?

So far, the answer is yes. It gets me to write. It gets me to look, listen, feel, think more than I otherwise might. It keeps me in contact with wonderful people and allows me to build and grow relationships with them, even from afar. Heck, it provides an outlet for my incoherence. As long as I can answer yes to that one question, I'm going to keep at it. Hopefully, nobody will get seriously injured in the process.