Winning isn't everything
I have cuts and scratches all up and down my arms and legs. There's a raspberry the size of a baseball on my left hip. Those are the post-game complaints. They aren't even complaints, more observations. I'm a little bit proud of my cuts and scratches, although that pride disappears when the water from the shower rains down on me. This is all post-game pain. I want to write about the pre-game.

I used to walk up to the field ready to go. Two laps, a quick stretch, a few throws and I was ready to win. I wanted to win because winning was fun. I'd stand on the line waiting for the first pull of the game. Looking directly across at the person I was about to guard I would pretend to hear his thoughts, "Ha. Look at that gangly poofy-haired goof. I'm going to make a bigger fool of him." I'd squint a little bit, perform the mental equivalent of cracking my knuckles and prepare for this battle, which was now personal. The game and the score mattered because they mattered and that's all that mattered.

Things have been changing the last few years. I teeter on the brink of injury. It's getting harder to make the score matter. For one thing, I realize that I have such a small amount of control on the score. Even when I play my finest game, I'm still just one member of a team. I've also realized that Ultimate is a fun game. Sometimes we win and that's fun. Sometimes we lose. Well-played losses can be fun. Sometimes we don't keep score, and that's fun too.

That's dangerous knowledge. If I'm out to have fun, and winning isn't the only fun factor anymore, how do I play well enough to help my team win? I can't hold a grudge against the people I play against. I see them monthly now and I have for three years. It's not personal. It's people out having a good time and keeping score.

What do I do? Yesterday I got to the fields earlier. I took a walk around the park and looked at the scenery that isn't enclosed in the 70 x 40 rectangle we play in. While I walk I think about the things that I can do right today. I think about playing smart. I think about making good throws and catching well. I think about how to play defense. And I look at the lake from which the fields take their name. I think about the beautiful blue sky and the light breeze. I have a real thing for blue skies. Winning today is not the only thing that matters, but I plan to play my best to help my team win, just to sweeten a gorgeous day.