Hungry, Hungry Atlantic
With my uncorrected vision, it's nearly impossible to compete in the car-ride favorite ABC game. When a disc is thrown I see a white blur, not unlike a stack of 4 discs. With each revolution the stack shrinks until at about 2 meters from my body the disc becomes a single, spinning, catchable piece of plastic. That works just fine for discs thrown flat, but not so well for those that leave at severe angles. I can't see the angle until it's too late. I can't see facial expressions. I can't see whether people are watching me or turned and facing the other direction entirely. I can't help with street signs at all.

As frustrating as all that has been today, the worst part about losing my glasses in the fairly boneheaded swimming-in-the-ocean-with-my glasses-on move was that fact that I was no longer able to fall in love with every girl in a bikini from 40 paces. I had to move closer.

Did I say the worst thing?