Dear Hollywood,

I hate you. I hate the way you make love look like it's such a snap. Even when you put up little titles that say things like "three years later," it still seems so simple and instantaneous. Do you have any idea how long three years really is? It's a lifetime, especially for small children. I realize that on the whole you've done a remarkably good job of keeping the small children out of love, even in your romantic comedies, but you have to consider that in some ways I am still very much a small child and if you make something like love and romance seem easy, then I will want it for my own. And I'll want it quickly without all of the extra work. And when it doesn't just fall from the sky, I will have no one to blame but you. So, Hollywood, from this point forward, I would prefer that you portray love more accurately, or at the very least stop me from going to movies such as, A lot like love, because if Ashton Kutcher can make things go all happily ever after, then by golly why can't I? Further, if you continue to make these sappy movies and continue to allow me to watch them and think, "I had something like that once" and there were moments were "it was that easy", then I'm never going to move on and I will instead always be stuck in a freaking fantasyworld of your making.

Take some responsibility here and clean up your act, Hollywood. Romantic comedies are destroying marriages and forcing old lovers to reunite unwillingly. Bring back the singing and dancing of yesteryear. At least in those films the leads had to be frickin' talented to end up in love. Now any regular guy can meet the girl of his dreams and fall in love. What kind of message is that sending people?

I hope your spouse spits in your popcorn,
David