Put that one in the kitty

A look through the archives reveals that yesterday’s post was treading on territory dangerously close to a post written in May. Either the realization is slower than I realized or my memory is so poor that I get to have the same epiphany every few months.

In hopes of getting out of my rut, I’m going to enter some new territory. This territory is inhabited by furry alien beings.

I’m not a pet guy. My sister had a fish when we were growing up, but for the most part I’ve spent my life in a pet-free zone. I did live with a dumb dog named Champ for a while, but that relationship never really clicked. Champ ran with me a time or two, but he couldn’t catch a disc and his conversation skills were lacking. He also smelled like dog. That wasn’t really his fault, but it wasn’t endearing.

I’ve gone many years again without a pet and I was happy, or mostly happy. I certainly didn’t feel like I was missing anything. I don’t hate animals, I just don’t have much use for them. I don’t connect. I don’t feel warm and cuddly when they are near. Did I mention they smell?

Not too long ago, I moved. I have new housemates. One of my housemates is named Manley and that’s my favorite thing about him. I think that’s worse than saying he’s ugly, but he has a great personality. For the record, Manley isn’t ugly and he doesn’t have a great personality. He’s got a cool name. Manley and I have the house to ourselves this week. It’s a bachelor pad. We’re watching movies in our skivvies, drinking brews, working out, staying up late watching inappropriate TV, tossing the lacrosse ball around, and belching without remorse. Awesome, huh?

No. Manley does not live up to his name. He doesn’t do manly things at all. He doesn’t even really do cat things. I’m told he’s a fine cuddler if the stars are aligned, but I’m also told that he’s a nasty biter if they aren’t. He’s a chubby cat and while he does chase a ball, bat a plush mouse, and eat, he doesn’t do much else.

There’s some tension in the bachelor pad. It grows with each passing meal. Manley wants more food. I want him to leave me alone while I scoop out his meal pellets. Will this end in bloodshed? Does Manley have secret hidden ninja powers? Will some other housemate return in time to quell this growing feud?