Fight beard-ism!

I was involved in a very ugly incident today. If I hadn't gone down the path of sharing my every waking thought with as little editing as possible so many years ago, I might just tuck this one away. Instead, I'll trot out my anecdote, not to teach a valuable lesson, though if I'm fortunate someone will learn one, and not to sell some product, though the young hooligans might prefer that course.

Riding my bike, minding my own business, wind blowing through my beard on this gorgeous day, an SUV passed me. From this SUV of lacrosse players, came an angry shout. It welled up from inside the passengers as they overtook the magnificent beard. Perhaps it was jealousy, or personal weakness. Perhaps they doubted my virility or failed to recognize my beauty. Whatever the case, the poor angry lacrosse players shouted one word and one word only: "SHAVE!"

For a moment I considered chasing the SUV to explain my pain, but that seemed to be an ineffective course of action. I dreamed that my beard would grow even longer and more fierce until it had tentacles that could reach out and pluck lacrosse players from their vehicles and smother them in the Head and Shoulders-scented glory of facial hair. That seemed unlikely.

I don't understand. This shout hurt me. Beards have rights too.