Breath mint binge
David checked into the clinic today after an apparent breath mint overdose. A source close to David reports that he had shown restraint in previous breath mint encounters, but lost control in his cubicle today. After finishing an entire package of mints, David was found sobbing next to the trash can. His breath and his tears both smelled minty fresh. David's publicist refused further comment.

Inflation hits. Three Musketeers snicker
A trip to the vending machine today revealed a shocking 15% increase in candy bar and nut prices. Amateur economists theorize that the prices are tied directly to the recent hike in gas prices, while conspiracy theorists cite anti-dime sentiment for the increase. The reason for the rise is unclear, but waist lines and wallets will not go unaffected.

"Salty cashews for $.75" snarled Carl. "Why, I remember when I could get more nuts than I could handle for half that." Patting his tummy, Carl claimed that Easter Monday was as good a day as any to start his new diet.

Others did not take the news with such optimism. Nancy, a self-proclaimed vending machine junkie, took to pounding on the glass and mumbling about her cost of living increase being only 2.7% this year. "They're trying to bleed me dry," she said.

Vending machine spokespeople said, "We will continue to provide coils full of morale-boosting goodness at the lowest possible prices."

Healthy eaters and snack bringers did not appreciate the plight of their starving coworkers. "I just bring some carrot sticks every day to work. I don't understand the fuss," said Mary.

An unidentified source in Mary's department said that no one really likes Mary.

Incomplete reflections on paper Ninja stars
Ninja stars were second grade boys' answer to the multi-fold notes of second grade girls. In theory they were deadly accurate weapons of the dark army. Their destruction potential was as beautiful as their intricate designs. When I made ninja stars, they were slightly pointed pieces of trash with so many colors that it looked like Crayola had a fight and everybody lost. I think that's why I stopped making ninja stars. What were girls writing about in second grade anyway?