Attn: Rachel McAdams

Dear Rachel,

I'm not stalking you! I just wanted to make sure you and the rest of the Internets knew that. Somebody else told me about the Ultimate. Just out of curiosity, how often do you play?

Not important. Never mind. I'm not writing to clear my good name or find out about your Ultimate prowess. Well, if my good name happened to clear in the process and some Ultimate got discussed, well... No, I'm writing for another reason. I am writing to vouch for Briguy. He's a decent fellow, borderline hilarious, and relatively clean as far as I can tell. I don't want to get carried away in such a public forum, but I'm willing to put myself out there and say you could do much worse. I don't know this Gosling fellow from Zach Braff, but the two of you made me bawl like no other in The Notebook. I mean, the book made me cry, but the movie had me howling like a 6-year-old girl who'd just lost her puppy under the tires of a bus. Pink, puffy cheeks, oh it was just awful. Funny and awful. And endearing. Like Briguy, who I swear this letter is about. He's not awful. I just meant the funny and endearing part. Maybe. I don't know about the endearing. I'm suddenly not comfortable making that judgment, but if necessary I think I can find some females who would be willing to step up and certify that Briguy is endearing. He doesn't actually cook in that Zorro costume though, which, at least in my mind, has to knock him down a few points. I don't know how you feel about Zorro though. If you've taken to reading letters addressed to you on the Internets today, I suspect you've thought more about Zorro than ever. Unless you're really into Zorro and then I suppose it was probably a pretty normal day.

This may strike you as rather odd and I realize that you have no reason to believe me regarding Briguy's character, but you'll find that I do have a history of this sort of thing. Do you know Mandy Moore? Because I wrote a similar letter for my friend vouching for his character and now he's getting married. We're all very happy. It's too bad he never got a letter back from Mandy though. It was kind of rude. I'm sure you're not like that.

On second thought, I think I forgot to mail that letter. If you see Mandy, can you apologize for me? She could've found that something special, but I didn't have 37 cents and now that chance is gone. Thank goodness for blogs, so you don't have to suffer the same fate.

If the opportunity arises, might I suggest you enlist your sixth sense and give Briguy a call. He's better than fine caviar.

Thank you for your time,
David

P.S. I've never actually had fine caviar. Or any caviar. I once slaughtered some crabs with a friend of mine. I still feel kind of bad about that. I guess that's different though.