And another thing
With no offense to the giver, Jelly Bellys are ridiculous. I like jelly beans, especially black ones, but most any jelly bean will do. Notice I say "most." Jelly Bellys are ridiculous. I've said it twice now, in case you're skimming. Don't think I didn't know you skimmed. I knew. We can still be online acquaintances, but don't go getting any other ideas there chief. There's a whole lot of wires and content to separate us and I think that's for the best. So, Jelly Bellys- Why? Why do they put in jelly beans that taste like the bottom of my shoe? Or hobo underarm? Why? I could go through and eat the beans individually, carefully identifying each on the back of the package, but that's annoying. I want handfuls. I want to reach into the bag, scoop out the contents, and pour jelly beans into my mouth like a savage jelly-bean-eating beast. For some reason Jelly Belly feels that my punishment for this savage behavior is eating tiny beans that taste like skunk mixed in with the fruit flavors. SKUNK! And not the good skunk either. Whenever I hit a bad jelly bean, I want to spit out the whole chunky rainbow-colored mess and wipe my tongue with steel wool. STEEL WOOL! I've taken to emphasizing things again. It's a little thing I picked up from Lewis Black. Too bad he does it better. Did I mention Jelly Bellys are ridiculous? And that we're still tight? Good.