All of this. Could be yours
Like a white trash space alien, I bopped along on a cross training bike ride to the latest mix, "Good grooves to Celebrate Good Yrs". My giant black earmuff headphones were stretched to their limit over my shiny white bicycle helmet. With one ear in the muff and the other blowing in the wind, I pedaled a nearby trail. The headphone wire wound around me three times forming a loosely knotted black sash. Also adorning my midsection, a 1985 Sanyo walkman hung from the chest strap of my new CamelBak. The maroon and silver of my high-priced canteen could only complement the faded dirty yellow of my Class of 2004 Fall Welcome shirt, complete with chocolate stain on the sleeve.
To protect the innocent, my navy wee-bit-too-short shorts were haphazardly thrown on over my black Meet the Parents "Keep the snake in its cage" boxers. Speaking of snakes, the handlebar tape on my bike started to unravel and fluttered like a flatworm in the wind before I carelessly reattached it to the bars it had unwittingly tried to escape.
Twice during the ride I had to reach down and flip my tape over. Each time I managed to eject the tape and get it running again without stopping. I rewarded myself with extra big sips from the CamelBak.
No animals were harmed on this ride, except maybe those Queer Eye for the Straight Guys.