Post: My computer is acting up so Dotopia is temporarily down. Hopefully
this will hold you over.
A Brief History of Neckties OR Why’s it pointing at my privates?

Neckties, that formal staple, the only fashion option men really have when
going dressed up, is really a pretty strange creation if you think about it.
One part silk noose, one part pretty pelvic arrow, the necktie must have a
rich and fascinating history. According to my research, neckties began as a
medieval gag. Jesters, those clown princes of medieval times, mocked capital
punishment victims for onlookers amusement. In some areas the early neckties
were merely nooses cut down from the gallows. Other areas used early
neckties to invoke the imagery of a man spitting out his long red(and
sometimes purple) tongue. The particularly savvy jester might even have
managed polka dot tongues. (A style which was again popularized in the
1950s.) These sight gags were always good for a laugh or two, but as the
jester business began to suffer in a feudal recession, the “necktie”
business also suffered.

In the 1600’s another predecessor of the necktie surfaced-the puffy shirt.
The kinkier Puritan men realized that Puritan women were attracted to a man
with a puffy chest. It reminded them of muscles. It was especially popular
with the punier Puritans. There are some that still see the tie as a symbol
of a false strength. Dr. Hedwig Von Shurber, associate professor of Interior
Design at Hamburg University of Hamburg, “Zee Necktie is but a puny man’s
fashion armor. It serves no purpose but to purport to strength and power
which zee wearer does not posses.” Much of the puffy shirt died out in the
wilderness of the new world, but the idealism of democracy would bring the
ideals of manhood back to the forefront. Though not as popular as the wig,
American Revolutionary War neckties were a symbol of defiance. History
Professor Simon Santly of University of Missoula, “The necktie was a formal
sign against King George. The men of the day would wear them in a nonverbal
statement of ‘Give me liberty or Give me death.’ It was really quite powerf
ul.”

As democracy and the new United States grew so grew the necktie. The
Medieval mock noose had become an Early American revolution. Everyone who
was anyone was seen in the latest necktie fashions. Neckties ranged in size
from almost covering the whole front of a man to just a thin strip of colored
wire. The necktie’s meteoric rise to popularity was reflected in the
country’s growing manifest destiny. It was almost as if this fashion was
propelling men to take what they knew was their own. It was God’s will and
it was spelled out to men in a swath of color from Adam’s apple to belly
button. And once again the necktie returned to its roots-the noose.

Contrary to popular belief Daniel Boone was not a necktie wearer. Legend
has it that he once received a necktie on father’s day. As he was opening
the brightly- colored gift, a bear wandered into the Boone household. The
Bear seemed to be after the tie. Like a bull after a matador the bull
charged Daniel Boone. Rather than use the new necktie as a weapon, Boone
hurled the tie away and chose to defend himself with his bare hands. That
was not the last of Daniel Boone, but the bear and his necktie did not fare
as well.

Even though Boone didn’t take to the necktie, their popularity continued
to grow. Men in the roaring ‘20s loved the way it flapped as they did the
Charleston. Some considered themselves to be the real “flappers” of the day.
Anti-prohibitionists used their ties to hide moonshine while men in the
depression dried their weary tears on ties. The 1950s may have been the
biggest tie boom in all of history. Television brought the formality of ties
to a national stage. The tides change quickly though because there was a
strong anti-necktie movement by the time the 1960s rolled around. Ties and
counter culture did not get along. Many young folks found the article of
clothing to be restrictive. The 1970s changed all that as Disco music
ushered in a time of pelvic attention. Once again the tie was in fashion,
but this time as a road map to pleasure.

Today the tie means different things to different people. Professor of
Sociology, Dr. Cedric Beadle at the University of North Dakota, “The tie
today has an identity crisis. Some still find it incredibly limiting, while
others find it to be fashionable, formal and a mode of both self-expression
and reflection of self-confidence.”

Where will neckties be in another thousand years? The neck is the only
safe bet.

For those of you interested in "truth"

This was posted by the surrogate Dave