#10
#10 on the "Things to do before I die" list stares back at me from the crumpled reciept that depicts a few of my goals. 10. be in a peaceful demonstration
Tomorrow is my chance, and yet I hesitate. Why? Don't I want to voice my displeasure with "impending war"? I do. And the protest is just a Metro ride away, not hours a way, or days, but mere minutes. I bet my farecard from this week will cover the ride. I could do something that I've always wanted to do. I could let my inner-hippy out, at least for a Saturday morning. "Peace, man." It's what I want. It's what I whine about. Here's the opportunity to do something, to be a part of something. What kind of man am I if I let a little cold get me down? Don't I like the cold? I don't know what to wear. It doesn't matter, does it? I don't understand me. I want to be fired up, to burn with the kind of passion that fuels people to organize protests, not just half-heartedly join them. I don't want to be "sheep". That's part of what's holding me back. I don't have a fluid well-thought out answer if someone asks me tomorrow, "why are you here?" "uh. well, um. I've always wanted to protest something." Bollocks.
I'm trying to convince myself that I'm going to do it, that I'm just afraid of trying something new, that's all. It's ok if my anti-war sentiments don't have the power to lead a protest. It's ok to be one of the masses. It's ok to support a cause that doesn't consume your entire being. Right? I am valuable as just another human being who cares about the lives of human beings, who thinks that War is good for absolutely nothing. Even as I sit here and type it I believe it, but the fact that I don't believe it, just eats me up. My high school journalism teacher believed in the first amendment. When he started talking about free speech, his face turned pink and the passion poured out of his mouth. I'll be lucky if I can see a glimpse of passion hanging in the crisp D.C. air next to my breath. I think I should do it though. Partly because it's on the list and partly because it's important. Make love, not war!