Highlight of a really good day
It's unfair to say that I made a beautiful girl laugh, because then you'll only think of her physical characteristics. Her big brown photographable eyes and her flowing curly reddish-brown hair, of now unknown length. It's unfair to say that her laugh rushed me back to late nights in a lounge in a hall on a campus in the middle of Missouri, because then you'll focus on the past. The picture of her legs and arms twisted into uncomfortable-looking comfort in ill-fitting yet endearing clothes as she talked animatedly from a tabletop. This laugh didn't happen in the past. It may have been a product of the past, the way that mango juice is a product of clouds; vital sure, but not directly connected.

I can't describe the laugh because it instantly filled me with joy. It wouldn't be right to say it was full or throaty or genuine. I can't tell the joke because it wasn't memorable in the ways of talking muffins or pickles on motorcycles.

I could tell you about the rest of my day and that might give you some measure of the laugh's magnitude. Work was fast and rewarding and my day was filled with praise. Dinner was simple and delicious, dirty rice and leftover hamburger helper. I shared my writing and a little of my soul with Kella and then I shared some smooth soft drinks with her too. There was a breeze blowing off a local fountain that cooled the otherwise hot humid evening. So often Kella has the ability to make me feel like my wisdom isn't temporary, like just maybe I've figured something out and she's kind enough to help me with the parts still unfigured. Somehow our meandering conversation took me back to a shirt, the sexiest shirt I have ever known. It was a blue cowboy shirt, more blue than cowboy. It had tiny white blurry checks, not paisley, and cowboy shirt snaps. Its owner once told me it was a sexy shirt and there is no faster way to make me a non-believer than to tell me something, but when she put it on I was a goner. I almost cried just thinking about it. My knees are getting weak at this very moment. The shirt like the laugh had an indescribable quality about it. That's a good day, and a great laugh. The laugh meant "you can be funny." It meant, "I can be happy."

I can be funny. You can be happy. Laughs are joyous occasions.

Hungry, Hungry Atlantic
With my uncorrected vision, it's nearly impossible to compete in the car-ride favorite ABC game. When a disc is thrown I see a white blur, not unlike a stack of 4 discs. With each revolution the stack shrinks until at about 2 meters from my body the disc becomes a single, spinning, catchable piece of plastic. That works just fine for discs thrown flat, but not so well for those that leave at severe angles. I can't see the angle until it's too late. I can't see facial expressions. I can't see whether people are watching me or turned and facing the other direction entirely. I can't help with street signs at all.

As frustrating as all that has been today, the worst part about losing my glasses in the fairly boneheaded swimming-in-the-ocean-with-my glasses-on move was that fact that I was no longer able to fall in love with every girl in a bikini from 40 paces. I had to move closer.

Did I say the worst thing?

Miles away
Nerves. Somehow I can escape my thoughts now and then, but my stomach is tingling. It knows what's coming. It's trying to tell my legs. It's trying to tell my feet. I'm trying to settle it, but since I left work, the stomach has giggled in nervous anticipation.

It's a mile. The first in years. I'm boldly predicting 4:46. Results later. I'm off to eat a PBJ and drink some more water to fill what I cannot settle. Stay tuned.

Results
There is some level of tragedy in knowing your body so well. It doesn't leave a lot of room for surprises. 4:46 turned out to be a bit bold. I was on pace through 2 laps and just a tad slow through 3, but I had no kick for the last lap and ended up running 4:51. I'm relatively pleased. It's been a humbling few years now. It was a little sad to be starting the last turn while the crowd cheered on the finishers. It's a lot more fun up front, but I knew from the get-go that I didn't belong in the front. I ran my race and I battled as much as I could with those around me. It was a solid steady effort and nothing to be ashamed of. I'm quite proud of myself for hopping into the fast heat. I hemmed and hawed because there was a heat for people planning to run between 4:50 and 5:20. I had a hunch I was going to be flirting with 4:50, but I decided that the faster group would push me. I'm glad I stood firm because the previous group had a 5:06 victor. It would've been a hollow victory. Instead I got a somewhat meaningful third-to-last-place finish.

I'm pleased, really I am. The back of the pack is still an unfamiliar place for me and not one I necessarily want to live in. The positives:
*solid steady effort
*no unusual pains
*a time/ I did it.
*that was one happy hour. Watching track meets, even (or especially) just miles is a cool thing. I kind of liked being around runners.
*it was a real mile- 1609 meters.

DT seeks lmb 4 bpc
I was perusing some online personal ads last night in an effort to once again talk myself out of trying to define myself in a little box because that's so very frightening even though this whole share my every other thought with the world doesn't seem to bother me much. I may also have been perusing out of curiosity. It happens. Lots of the women seeking men seemed to want the same thing. If there is an island of tall HOT HOT HOT guys, they should definitely get Internet access and visit craigslist because there are a lot of women who would be happy to go pic for pic with them. In the slightly more accepting category, my favorite ad said it would be cool if you were hot, but nerds are even better, but not those blogger-types.

Really? There's a classification of nerds that now includes bloggers? Where exactly on the nerd spectrum does this fall? I wonder if personal bloggers are nerdier than issue bloggers. And does anyone have a spare nerd spectrum? I seem to have lost mine when I was throwing out my T-square. Thanks.



Do Topia seeks like minded blogger for blog post comments.

I'm a terrible vegetarian
because I eat meat.

There have been a number of discussions around me (at least two and two is definitely a number) recently that invovled the lack of clarity surrounding certain words. Things aren't so black and white, there are often shades of gray, and on the right stations David Gray. And while quadrapalegic didn't quite involve the full paralysis that I interpreted and deaf might not be the right word for someone that still hears sound, "make a $@#$%# decision, I don't care what it is," seems pretty clear.

Too bad I'm too chicken substitute to say that.

Can I get an oh my gawd for the way I rock my iPod?

So two fine readers, or psychics as the case may be, were kind enough to relieve me of some of the late-June terror with an iTunes gift certificate. I had free reign in the iTuniverse and a new fear of picking good songs. Subjective it may be, but still no easy task. Jessica Simpson was an easy choice with her new cover of "These Boots Are Made for Walking" made for the upcoming Dukes of Hazzard flick. I enjoy lyrical imagery as much as the next guy and this song manages at least one killer line- "Can I get a handclap? For the way I work my back." The rest of it is just good clean fun, er, at least fun. I abandoned the Spice Girls for a little "Free Fallin'" with Tom Petty, some Dashboard Confessional, Iron & Wine per recommendation and Gorrillaz per some comment I picked up in some blog somewhere. I also picked up "Hate to Say I Told You So" by The Hives, and "The Comeback" by the Shout Out Louds complete with racing noises to kick off the song. Then I went crazy and bought a Bowling for Soup album.

This is fun. And when I say "picked up" I guess I really meant clicked on some buttons.

The short and short of it. A 4 star weekend
*Ribs. Ribs. Ribs. frisbee. cake. Woo.

*I spent my birthday with a stranger and one of my closest friends. Somewhere in the afternoon I was infatuated with the stranger. It's in the eyes and the smile and the energy. It's in 31 gram boxes of Hot Tamales. It's in genie pants. It's in a handbag the size of a daschund filled with mints and gum. It's in the skin of neck and the shoulders. It's in any gesture of kindness to me. It's in the quiet. It's in the graceful movement of a green glitter shoe. Nine hours later, I'd settled down. I love my friend, but there were moments where I desperately wanted to make him disappear. I'm glad I didn't. Then we wouldn't have been able to chase each other round and round a fountain or laugh about our miscommunications or walk home and call it a great day. It's in our history. It's in B-A-N-A-N-A-S. It's in his charm. It's in his stories. It's in the disc. It's in the willingness to join me for a track workout, but most of all it's in something I can't explain at all.

*I had brunch at a little hobbit's place. I had dinner at Big Wong's. There's a joke in there somewhere.

*I hear the fireworks. I feel the independence. Happy 4th!

I'm no Briguy
I'm tired of hearing that John Walton's hobby "claimed his life." If anything didn't the hobby "claim his death?" Is this anything like claiming a coat? When we're born we get a little ticket with a number on it and when the affair is over we walk over to the life-check clerk, hand him the ticket and then die except in those rare cases where the clerk can't find our life and then it's all "You better find my life or I'm calling the manager," and the clerk has that bewildered look that says the life was right here and I don't get paid enough for this. Then somebody else comes up and the clerk grabs her ticket just to avoid the angry guy with the "temporarily misplaced" life but when he comes back with her life the guy screams, "HEY. That's mine!"

And dies.

Actually, I don't understand how an activity can claim anything.

Do you smell that?
It's not a fire because it isn't big enough, but it burns somewhere deep inside of me. It might be indigestion, but I haven't had anything spicy lately. It's tiny lumps of charcoal on a grill that you'd assumed was out, but if I can just keep fanning the coals and maybe find some lighter fluid, I think I can light a fire again. And watch it Burn. BURN. BURN!

This is what happens when my body starts to recover...

Something terrible, something wonderful

The Bad-
I am terrified of the online music store. Or I am terrified of myself when thousands of songs are just a click away. I bought two tonight and I almost had to slap my own hand or I would have ended up with some Spice Girls, a little Jessica Simpson, some Beatles I already have, and who knows what else. It's just button-pushing, money won't change hands for a month, which we all know practically means money doesn't change hands. It's FREE! It's no wonder credit debt is rampant. Online music is a dangerous thing...

The Good-
The digital camera has lead to an interesting new way to express myself (and isn't that what we're all after? No really, I'm asking.) I spent an hour or so Sunday, just wandering around town looking in a whole different way. I shot about 60 photos, with the vast majority either having the local theater, kids playing in a fountain, or bars (the metal kind, I'm not sure what that says.) Then using my expensive desk toy, I made a slideshow. Tonight's addition of the Fleetwood Mac song "Silver Springs" to my iPhoto slideshow of the town by nearly the same name (thanks to Kim for being so Stevie Nicks savvy) means that my slideshow is now nearly nostalgic* enough to kill you, or at least seriously bruise you.

*The Ugly (truth)-
It has come to my attention that the addition of music (most any music) tends to make pictures a whole lot more meaningful. The pictures I took Sunday (that was yesterday) set to music, now take on so much meaning that it almost brings a tear to my eye to remember the town the way it used to be. I long for those days.

I suspect this same effect contributes mightily to my ability to fall in love with most any leading lady thrown onscreen.

Looking to make it- just barely
I set a new PR, that's personal record, today. I figured I needed one more before I close out el 26. Today I ran the slowest timed 5k of my life. The silver lining, other than not repeating yesterday and the very fact that I was able to run at all based on recent injury history, was that it was still a race. I was still chasing a guy in red shorts that I could never catch and I was still being chased by a guy in blue shorts that I desperately wanted to beat. So despite the side stitch, and despite the hilly course, and despite the humidity, and despite the slower pace, I was still in a battle for who knew what place.

My desire to not be passed tends to be greater than my desire to pass. The poor guy behind me must have sensed my demise at least 3 times in the last mile and every time as his footsteps got closer and his breathing started to creep up on me, I managed to dig down and put some distance between us. To his credit, up to the end I wasn't able to really put him away, and I suppose to my credit, he never did get me. Then again, I never got red shorts either.

So if you're scoring at home, I ran a 19:31. We'll be looking for that to drop during this next year.

Next race: A Midsummer night's mile- That'll be the first mile race since oh, '01? Should be interesting. I'll keep you posted.

it rains, it pours
Vomited on myself during a bike ride today, sort of a moderate speed spew. I continued on. Kind of sums up the day. Looking for a chunk-free tomorrow.

Let's go out to the movies
Tonight's pace was leisurely and leisurely was good. Blah-Filet, not so good. On the other hand, Batman Begins was quite good. Bale is Batman. It makes me want to forget all those previous Bat flicks. Also, I must say, you can call Tom Cruise a lot of things, but after seeing Katie on the big screen, I can't call him crazy. No sir.

As for the previews, there was all kinds of excitement. I almost let out a "Yee-Haw" when the General Lee was jumping on the big screen. Let it be known- I'm going to see The Dukes of Hazzard. I felt like a 6 year old kid every time that old orange Charger made an appearance. My ears and brain will hurt from the dialouge, but it's worth 9 dollars to see 01* jumping again (and .25 to see Jessica Simpson in a bikini.) Right from old infatuations to new ones, the preview for the upcoming Serenity** movie was also shown. It looks like all the crew got a haircut and style, but I have high hopes despite the cleancut look the movie will be even better than the failed Firefly TV show. Go see it, and maybe they'll bring back the show.

*(whoops I had said 00, but I was wrong. Some fan I turned out to be.)
**rather than Serendipity which starred John Cusack and that cute Brit, but wasn't very good after all.

Better than warm milk
I love perspective before bed.

My A-D-D existence
As I'm working on this blog post, I am also working on
1. burning a CD.
2. improving my pretentious digital slide show.
3. organizing iTunes
4. picking CDs to let my coworker borrow.

Interestingly enough, not one of these things is going particularly well, but these days that doesn't seem to stop me. I talk on the phone, surf the Internet, and listen to music at the same time. I listen to NPR and read the City Paper at the same time, sometimes while trying to make dinner. My universe is so splintered that it's hard to remember what I am doing, let alone what I want to do.

F9 may be the answer. I'm on a Mac and F9 gives me a global view of all my applications in miniature at once. If I press it, I'm forced to take a step back. I can look at all the applications I have open and decide which one to focus on. I picked the blog for the moment. I'll finish up here and it's back to CD burning.

Don't bother trying to keep up. I can't.

SPARE US: Dress it up and slap a full bar in the back
It's still a bowling alley. The pins may be neon. The blacklights may make white-shirts that trippy purplish-blue. The bar may stock more than beer. The kitchen may serve appetizers that include nachos rather than serving strictly nachos, but the alley- still for bowling. And the ugly shoes? Still ugly! Maybe the ugly shoes are the essence of bowling? The thought of rolling a ball and knocking over wooden pins with nice-looking shoes; crippling.

On the one hand, this should have been my perfect bar. One of the things I've never mastered is bar behavior.* The mixture of cocktails and conversation is a baffling one to me. Add in noise and women and basically I'm useless. Most of my trips to bars end up in a grumpy-that-was-pointless exit. A bar with a scorecard, a bar with a purpose, that should be right up my alley! I was too focused on getting my money's worth to really figure out if the place was my perfect bar. No easy task with the prices they charged.

The smelly orange and blue vinyl and plastic combinations that usually arch around an alley scorers table were replaced with very classy and comfortable chic couches. Pre-lane, not including the electronic scorecard, this place was a martini glass. Not in that clear vermouth with an enormous olive on a toothpick way, but in the sleek-lines, Frank-Sinatra-is-hiding-around-the-corner kind of way. The music, however, failed the Rat Pack. The alley opted instead for slow remixes of the classics. I refer of course to the classics like "Come on Eileen." There wasn't any smoke, which is a beautiful thing, but almost feels like cheating when I'm comparing bars.

As much as I want to disparage this trendy bowling alley in my county, I think I enjoyed myself. Even in defeat. There was one small detail that troubles me more than the money and more than the idea of bowling being the "it" scene. It's having to tell my children that I met their mother at a trendy bowling alley bar. NO. Not really. I can think of worse fates.

It's those little lane arrows. I have this same problem with my Extreme bowling and with proper support I'm thinking of starting a letter writing campaign. When my dad taught me how to bowl, he taught me to focus on the arrows instead of the pins. If the alleys turn out the lights, I CAN'T SEE THE ARROWS! They can make the pins glow. They can shoot spotlights all across the room. The lanes can have emergency plane lights directing me to the nearest strike and/or exit, but the little arrows are always neglected.

Alleys, that's a gutterball in my book. Light my arrows and put out the fire that burns in my soul.


*(It's fine with me if you decide NOT to list some of the other things I've never mastered.)

Paul, don't bother
Some things I want:
a fire escape balcony that sits quietly above the city, an ocean view, a lake view, mountains all around, 72 degree evenings, snow, to make new friends, to keep growing with the friends I have, adventure, peace and quiet, a good book, the top-secret back-of-the-package recipe for Anne's all-meal dessert bars, the stars, love, independence, to remember, to forget, to reach people when I need them, to listen to the voices, to have nights like this, a kid to play with, a nice slow kiss, independence, freedom, someone to tell me what to do just so I can rebel, the courage to just say, "Hi. My name is Dave." satisfaction, a shower, deodorant that doesn't fail, the end of the feeling that something is coming out of my nose when I'm talking, more courage, patience, this list to end.

A response from the body
Dear David,

You bastard. Do you think that's how things work? You give the orders and I follow them? Give me a little respect here. There are things I do that you don't even begin to conceive. Yea. So. Thanks. Think about that.

Maybe if you had started conceiving a while ago, you wouldn't be whining now. That's all you do is whine, isn't it? Do you have a clue of what I'm really capable of? No. You don't. You're so caught up in what you think. It's incredibly frustrating. Maybe if you actually put some decent food in me, maybe if you drank enough water, maybe if you would let me f***ing rest instead of staying up at all hours of the night with your incessant whining to the world. Oooh. I'm David. Feel sorry for me, because I'm not what I thought I'd be. OOH. I'm David. I don't have a girlfriend, but I'm soooo sensitive. la la la. Give it a rest. Nobody wants to hear it you pathetic whiner.

Seriously, where would you be without me? Would you have any self-confidence at all? What if I shut down your legs? What if I stopped letting you catch and throw a disc? You wouldn't know what to do with yourself. You'd be a little lost blob. So threaten me if you want. We're a team here and if you haven't figured that out by now, maybe you will the next time I holler about pain.

Don't you ever give me T-shirt slogans again. Disrespectful little ---.

Ugh.

-Body

A letter to my body
Dear body,

I understand that you are getting on in years and I appreciate that you still look so gosh durn good. BUT FOR PETE'S SAKE CAN YOU STOP WITH THE INJURIES!

I was swimming today. We're talking low-impact. We're talking water. We're talking swimming. And granted, I've been in a bit of mood lately what with another year 'bout to pass, pushing a little harder than I had been when it comes to sports, but SWIMMING. I injured myself swimming. Body, we've never had so many problems before. Are you trying to tell me something? If it's 'slow down' I wish you'd stop telling me that. I don't like hearing it. In fact, if you don't shape up soon, I'm going to have to resort to drastic measures. You thought that marathon was painful, let me tell you something body, that was just the beginning. Remember that old shirt with the saying, "What the mind can conceive, the body will achieve?"

Oh, you remember it.

Let's just say that if you don't get your act together, the mind is going to be conceiving of some pretty serious endurance tests.

I don't mean to come off threatening, here, but I'm threatening. I can google a triathlon faster than you can take breath.

Don't think I won't.

Get your act together so we can play some Ultimate or go take a nice brisk run, or get ready for some real pain.

Sincerely,
David

stuff not entirely related to sandwiches
The problem with having a friend named after a sandwich is that if the friend is a respectable kind of person, then I start to think the sandwich is a respectable kind of sandwich. It doesn't take long at all and I'm confusing my feelings for the sandwich with my feelings for the friend. So, if I've got a friend named "Crap Hoagie" and I really like him (despite his terribly unfortunate name), then when I'm out for a meal and I see "Crap Hoagie" on the menu, I think fondly, "I like Crap Hoagie, I think I'll order me some of that."

Don't you know it, the quality of the friend has nothing to do with the quality of the sandwich, but now I'm stuck with a bum lunch and it's all Crap Hoagie's fault. The next time I see Crap Hoagie I might glare at him most distastefully and he'll only be able to wonder why.

stuff not entirely related to American arrogance
My Morrocan coworker was telling me that she had never been to a hotel in the United States. I was trying to tell her that the hotels were probably not that different. She told me that it didn't matter. She wanted to be able to compare 4-star hotels so that when she was talking with her friends about why Americans are so arrogant she could say, "the conceriege works so much faster in an American hotel." I tried to tell her that I didn't think that was why Americans were arrogant. Then she went on to say that she had read about the phones in the airports. I didn't know what phones she was talking about. Finally after some back and forth she explained to me that she was talking about the phones in the airport at the kiosk for hotels. The ones where you didn't have to dial, you could just pick up and they would connect to the hotel. "See. We don't have phones like that. That's why Americans are arrogant."

I could only laugh. My arrogant laugh.

Don't get pithy with me, Mr.
The problem with getting all excited about life is that it makes going to bed at a reasonable hour so much more difficult.

Reminders from the weekend. It's ok to:
*drink 2 glasses of expensive mango juice.
*be afraid at the movies.
*give a retail bike store a second chance.
*wear sandals and pants.
*talk to strangers.
*sing duets with strangers or friends.
*let everyone laugh at you.
*drink a margarita.
*change tires.
*ride slowly.
*take the scenic route.
*finish the brownies.
*relax.
*go to bed late.
*sleep late.
*not play Ultimate.
*get your hands dirty.

It's not ok
for the weekend to be over.

Jolted awake by "There he is!"
I was reading my morning paper on my morning commute when I flipped open to the feature and had a seizure. It wasn't a real seizure, it was a Why-is-there-a-picture-of-Adrian-H.-peeking-out-over-a-computer-in-my-morning-paper? seizure. I knew the answer, chicagocrime.org, but I was still stunned to see him. Maybe because his hair looks lighter.

OR MAYBE BECAUSE HE WAS IN MY PAPER!

Fast foward some hours and I was asking Autumn if she had read a story I had enjoyed in yet another paper. I was stumbling over the headline, "Its headline was like 'white women in the news' or something."

"I wrote that headline," she replied.

"Oh. Then I guess you've read it."

What a day.

The need. The need for something to write about
I need to write a short 500 word story. It's got to have some imagery or something. If I do it real good, I'll get paid $2 per word. More than likely I won't, but it'll be good to write something. The thing is, as usual, I've got nothing. Give me a suggestion and I'll give you a dollar*.

*If I win.

OR

If you're feeling sorta feisty and writerly, you can go ahead and try and steal my G right out from under this blog by entering yo'self. Get the details. 'Course it wouldn't hurt anybody if you left me something to write about first. I just need something to get started, like three little words for example: Bongo, prairie, dance. You can use those if you want. 497 words to go.

You didn't lose it if they can't take it away
They say that records are made to be broken and I guess they must be right because this past weekend my record fell. "David 4:17.9" will no longer hang above the gymnasium doors. Very soon they will be replaced by Mike 4:17.2" It might seem like my 8 years of glory have come to a close. It might seem like I would shed a tear at such a loss, but it turns out that I'm prouder of that record now than I have been in years. That record motivated countless (or probably more like 8, but 8 of the countless variety) runners. Even though my name comes down, 4:17.9 will always be mine. I don't need a placard in a gym to know that was a special achievement. I'll always know that I've never run faster for 1600 meters.

All of this would have been a lot harder to say 6 years ago. And don't think I didn't take a look at my old track spikes to see if they might have another record run in them. I can't go back to high school, but I'm still theoritically in my prime. But then, you knew that by looking at me, didn't you?

Perspective is for sissies
You know what's tough?

Trying to figure out music genres for iTunes organization.

That's tough.

June 1, 2005
The beginning of something.
Or was it the end?
It was definitely somewhere in the middle.

If it hasn't been said before, or frankly even if it has, I'll say it now- Superfluous is to blogs as Random was to college. It just slips in everywhere. No one can help it. No one can save you.

More stuff you would know if you lived inside of me or close by
1. Lately, I've had the urge to break into a run when I'm walking.
2. I think I am now able to mask my disappointment when I find out someone is married.
3. Marriage is not inherently disappointing.
4. At least I don't think it is.
6. There may be no such thing as a free lunch, but the closer you are to the bottom rung, the closer the lunch is to free.
7. I skipped 5 just to tick you off.
8. I'm thinking I need a vacation. The Washington-Oregon combination is currently leading stateside, while Iceland is momentarily tops in the land of the passport.
9. I am not Deep Throat.
10. The numbers on this list are freakin' superfluous.

Revenge of the Memorial Day Weekend
My weekend was like the new Star Wars for some (but probably not all) of the following reasons:
-I wasted two weekends previously so that I could finally make a good one.
-It was a constant battle of good and evil.
-It had some decent fight scenes.
-The acting was bad.
-Old friends made an appearance, except they aren't old friends yet because this weekend actually takes place before the weekends that already happened.
-Swedish furniture. It had nothing to do with the movie, but otherwise consumed me; not unlike the Dark side. huh.
-Both are over now and I'm none too pleased.

When I grow up
I'm going to be a liar.

I know when it started. It was 1997. All my life I'd worn blue jeans and the occasional sailor suit had been forced on me, but I knew one thing- I would never wear khaki pants. There was no doubt in my mind. I don't remember how it happened, but the next thing I knew I was a college boy and I wasn't wearing anything but.

Fast forward a few years to one of my early solo vacations. I was cruising along in the Carolinas in my khaki pants trying to figure out how to spend my hard-earned vacation days. As a kid, I remember grumbling with my sister about how my parents always skipped doing the fun stuff. When I grew up my vacations were going to be non-stop fun. Turns out the "fun stuff" costs a bunch of money and usually isn't worth it. Why didn't the folks tell me that? I would've understood.

At least I've still got my weekends. I can act like a big kid on those. Weekends are about goofing off for 48 consecutive hours, not for housework or yardwork or anything remotely related to work. It's a great system assuming that I want to continue to live in organized chaos. Turns out I don't. So goodbye Sunday, as I worked all day buying and assembling a Hopen wardrobe, which is just another enormous symbol of my sudden drive for increasing organization in almost everything. And as Monday slowly slips away I look at my mental to-do list and wonder how the heck I got to the point of long mental to-do lists. I never meant to want a clean bathroom, a haircut, a full refrigerator, exercise, a clean room, and on and on. I just meant to play outside with my friends until the streetlights came on.

Maybe that's what I'm going to do. Or maybe I'm a liar.

Concert
She smells of smoke and her lips taste like beer.
He carries a yoke and bathes in his fear.
Strobe lights flashing.
Her hands thrash madly. She pounds the drums.
His head pops at every cymbal crash.
Moved by the moment, carried by the crowd.
They stand still. Hearts like pounding bass.
Feedback. Throwback. Tipped heads back.
Sweat drops. Sweat rolls. Sweat won't put out the fire.
That burns. His insides. Connected and alone.
The music has faded but their ears still ring.
Lust like love before its jaded and their ears still ring.
And buzz. Like the alcohol that's washed away.
Disillusionment and cigarettes both leave that smell.

The white wires of freedom
or further reflections on a digital music player
Perhaps the "white wires of isolation" serve a higher purpose than I initially realized, though despite its divine form, I don't think it serves the higher purpose. In a world where we are increasingly bombarded by visual and audio messages in previously "quiet" places, the iPod and her digital sisters are the individual's latest defense. Take an airport for example. Don't take it, because they cost a lot to maintain and are even harder to store. Many airports constantly bombard waiting passengers with round-the-clock news. Only the deaf can escape the jabbering about the latest breaking story, but iPod offers some relief. A level of auditory control is restored to the individual.

When the beloved Metro adds TV screens to its cars, I suspect that a lot of eyes will wander to the images spewed on screen. I haven't heard if sound will accompany this additional noise, but I suspect there are board members who are unable to differentiate from commuters and consumers. Pupils roll back and are replaced by dollar signs. Marketers must love captive audiences. They are like prison guards that way. In steps the iPod and whisks you away from the evil onslaught. It's a prison break for the senses. Individual freedom is restored. And the orchestra music crescendos. Or the rock rocks. That's the beauty of it. The sounds of the world may have been signed over to someone with more money, but the sounds in your ears can belong to you.

I haven't even begun to address the freedom you regain from the overheard conversation. You can now rock in your own bubble to the likes of Meatloaf* rather than hearing that they guy next to you is having meatloaf for dinner. Glorious. Be careful not to miss all the conversations or you might miss a gem. I was walking through O'hare past a father and his two sons. I missed the first part of the conversation as they stared up at the dinosaur bones, but I heard the father say, "Nobody was born then." The cutest little voice asked astounded, "Not even God?" The dad replied quickly, "God was born then."


*This blogger does not actually recommend rocking to meatloaf, but will accept legitimate meatloaf-for-dinner offers.

This is what two years in the same job is doing to me
This week, I'm not leaving. My job has been stressful but good. My life is not that eventful, but not too shabby. I'm not feeling lonely. I'm not feeling bummed about my injuries-- I'll just exercise by bike. This strange turn of events has lead to a subtle shift in my thought process. I can talk about being vested without cracking up. I still use air quotes when I say "career", because career to me involves some path, preconceived if you're showing off. I'm talking about construction projects in my 'hood like I'm going to actually see them when they are completed. It's kind of spooky. I almost have the urge to start packing up my stuff just admitting this. Fortunately, I'm kind of tired.

The new ol' ballgame
Went to see a Washington Nationals game as Washington area residents are all now so keen on doing. Baseball is kind of fun. At least it was once and I could see how it might be again. I really liked the sax player at the top of the Metro stairs playing "Take Me Out to the Ballgame" all jazzed up. The Nats managed a win with a single run in the 9th inning. I clapped and screamed like I cared, but I really didn't. The stadium made me feel a little cramped. At one point this woman's enormous purse in front of me was wide open and as I looked in I thought that giants looking down on the stadium probably thought I looked a lot like that tiny chapstick cap in the recesses of a purse. It would have been really cool if she would have had a replica of the stadium in her purse.

Might I recommend that you don't sit in right field if you want to see the scoreboard. And if you take the Metro, you might want to walk part way home. It could be a nice walk. Some nights I really like the city. Did you know that the Nationals mascot is an eagle named Screech? Did you know that a couple of weeks ago some paper had Dustin Diamond commenting on the mascot? It was Screech on Screech action. That's what it's all about, folks.

Dr. Peerpressure
or
How I started listening to everyone else and ended up in the waiting room

Dang it people. Stop telling me to go to the doctor when I don't need to. Dang it me. Stop listening. My ankle has been bothering me for a week ever since an incident where I rolled it which may or may have not been aggravated by my super smoove dance moves. It swelled up, turned a little purple, and started to transfer pain to other places on my body. Nothing I couldn't handle, but I let people see me limp. I let them hear me whine a bit and they all said "Go to the Doctor. It might be broken." PEOPLE. If it were broken, you'd see bone. Or at least I'd be wincing a lot more. Do you see me wincing? Exactly. Then I heard, "Oh, but when I broke my ankle it didn't hurt." Well, shucks I reckon I don't know what I ought to do. So I called the doctor. Immediatlely the blue color all but disappeared. The pain became minimal and I was off to talk to the Doc and feel like a real doofus.

"Der. Hey Doc. Nothing's wrong really. Just wanted to visit. Find out for sure that nothings ain't broken. Der. Here's my copay. La-ti-da."

The crowd likes cake in your hair and other lessons you should learn before your wedding

Overarching lessons to remember: You get the wedding and a life of bliss, make the reception memorable for me.

Lesson 1: DJ or band selection.
a. The DJ is critical. DJs who will accept requests for Madonna's Vogue immediately after playing Like a Virgin should not be hired. You should've done your homework. Consider a divorce. Also ignore that guy vogue-ing alone for everyone. He's not worth the film in your camera.
b. Cotton eyed Joe cannot go on the "Do Not Play" list. It's no wonder you weren't married a long time ago.
c. A DJ with a single letter as a name could suck. The "E" in DJ Lizzy E might not stand for ecstasy. Just sayin'.

Lesson 2. Make room for the dancers.
I'm not talking about the chorus line here, the flailers and the faux breakdancers need room to work. Provide that space and make it accessible to as many tables as possible. People that can find an excuse not to dance will likely "sit this one out."
2a. Leave a clear path for the "love train." It's a wedding people.
2b. The chicken dance is entirely optional.
2c. The kids love the YMCA. If you don't, you shouldn't have kids. Think about it.

Lesson 3. Tiny dancing asian girls are adorable, especially in pink dresses.
Note: This should evolve naturally. Hiring four year-olds to dance at your wedding is generally frowned upon.

Lesson 4. If I am the life of your reception, it's a low-key affair.
I'm not saying that I haven't pulled out some killer moves- diving into a groomsman's arms, piggyback rides, vogueing all alone. It's just that I'm a sideshow. Your party needs more of the elephants and flaming jugglers on trapez.... PSST. It's a wedding not a circus Oh. Right. Still. I'm not life-of-the-reception material.

Lesson 5. Speaking of me-- I'm aware that I'm sweating. I can actually feel it. The pointing it out to me-- PROBABLY UNNECESSARY. Thanks.

Lesson 6. Food. Drink. People like. Do it right. Two words: Tiny quiches.

Lesson 7. This is fun. Act like it, people. It's not like anyone's life hangs in the balance.
Oh. right.

Lesson 8. Cut that guy off. He's had enough.

More quick hits
1. The white wires of isolation run from our ears, the soundtracks of our lives all jampacked on a tiny futuristic box. Some bob their heads slightly moved by the music. Is this the Johnny Carson of our generation?

2. Why is it that in a time when everything is getting faster and faster, Instant winning takes longer? It used to be right there on the wrapper. Now you have to go online to see if you've won.

3. I carried a cell phone all day long and have suffered no ill effects. The problem, you see, is that when the phone rang I answered it and when I needed to make a call, I made it. That's what cell phones are for, you're saying. And I repeat- the problem...

4. I smell like trash. Marry me?

Look Steve, MEANING
Mr. Jobs has given my life new meaning. It's all about organizing, but it might be fun. Especially when I stop feeling like I need to wear plastic gloves to play with my new toys.

P.S. I'm cutting myself off from the "real world" and hibernating in the digital land.

Hopeless romantic no more
I’m almost frightened by the pleasure I take in the line from “you to thank” on Ben Folds new album Songs for Silverman.

In a song about weddings/marriage, the line goes a little something like: “Maybe they knew more than we knew/ As they danced and drank/ We jumped off the deep end

"Dave! Dave! Tell us about your No Pants Day! adventures"
Such is the chorus (in the mind) of a pantsless superstar.

Sit down my loyal fans and listen to this trouserless tale.

Fully-panted I made my way through another day of work. When the proverbial whistle blew I shed the shackles of the week and busted a seam right out of there. Some hours later dressed to the sevens (pants are worth two, or so I've heard) I made one final self examination in the mirror. No lumps, not that it was that kind of examination, nor is that a joking matter. Regardless, my super-starched shirt was in place beneath the black and silver vest and the sporty tuxedo jacket. A last minute adjustment to the lip-smacking red bow tie and a glance at the nearly black "Meet the Parents" boxers and I was out the door. My wingtips and black socks didn't even carry me a block before I heard the first cackle, "Put some pants on!"

"Can't. I'm headed to a No Pants party."

Off I went down the street, no doubt cutting a dapper outline against the moonlit sky. Moonlit here being the poetic way of saying light-polluted sky, but nobody says "light-polluted sky." Moonlit it is and I'm headed to the transport preferred by city slickers like myself. Good evening sweet Metro, please don't arrest me kind sirs. And they obliged.

Gliding on a moving staircase, I emerge, like a half-dressed God, onto the Metro platform where I am greeted by a throng of my fellow Friday nighters. Not my fellow Friday nighters as they all seem to have on their pants. Some chuckle. Some move away and some just stare. I smile. I stifle a giggle. Happy No Pants Day, I think to myself.

The train arrives and I stand waiting for the door. The doors open and a woman strides out. She looks at my shiny red bow tie and exclaims "nice tie." "Thanks," I say as she looks south. A quizzical expression crosses her face as our paths diverge.

My arrival at the party does not go unnoticed. While others have contributed to a growing pile of pants at the door, I have entered without pause; I have entered without pants. I won't be the last of the evening, but I will be the best dressed. I'm the prom date your mother warned you about. Only much older and probably a lot more innocent despite my glaring lack of suspenders. I'll spend the evening with the many Hefners in their bathrobes. A man in a lab coat and no pants will befriend me and a Superman in his tights will ignore me to hit on one of the many skirts.

At one point in the evening I will land on the couch. I'll watch as a small amount of dancing goes on around me. The kilted will shake their drafty moneymakers, as will the many boxered and t-shirted. Suddenly. I said, Suddenly, without warning, I will be attacked. My lap as dance floor and somehow after at least 14 years of planning I will be dumbfounded. Only able to throw my hands up in the air to fend off this surprising manuever, I will be laughed at yet again. It will not be the last time. It seems to come with the pantsless territory.

Many hours later, when No Pants Day begins to blur into the day after No Pants Day, I make my way home. Saying goodbye to the woman in lingerie and the Hefner that hosted it all I head back to the public transportation continuing my public display of calves.

Who should I meet? A pantsless Santa Claus! No. I'm lying.
I met a woman who was either high, drunk, or some combination of the three. She was very sweet when she was lucid. Try as she might, she could not fathom the location of my missing pants. At least three times she asked, "Where are your pants?"

digitalization of my face
i am one step closer to being just like everybody else. My pictures, my music, my life is becoming digitized.

When the pants come off
things just aren't quite the same.

There are moments when I feel pretty funny
I was at a wedding shower this afternoon. At that shower, each guest was asked to share one piece of advice with the bride-to-be about her impending matrimony and beyond. There were nearly 30 people in the room. We went around the table, and I quickly deduced that I would be giving the last piece of advice. I was surrounded by people that had been married for years, several as many as 25. Several had been married more than once. A few people made jokes, but mostly everyone took to giving advice quite seriously. Most of the advice fell into one of three categories. They told the bride-to-be to communicate. They told her to compromise. And they told her to keep her own identity. Heartfelt advice came from nearly every person's mouth. It was impressive and I couldn't think of a thing to add, except...

I looked at the group around the table and I said, "I'm feeling unqualified to offer much advice." There were a few snickers. I turned to my friend, the bride-to-be, and I said, "So I'll tell you my favorite advice to give, 'Ignore unsolicited advice.'"

Dear Hollywood,

I hate you. I hate the way you make love look like it's such a snap. Even when you put up little titles that say things like "three years later," it still seems so simple and instantaneous. Do you have any idea how long three years really is? It's a lifetime, especially for small children. I realize that on the whole you've done a remarkably good job of keeping the small children out of love, even in your romantic comedies, but you have to consider that in some ways I am still very much a small child and if you make something like love and romance seem easy, then I will want it for my own. And I'll want it quickly without all of the extra work. And when it doesn't just fall from the sky, I will have no one to blame but you. So, Hollywood, from this point forward, I would prefer that you portray love more accurately, or at the very least stop me from going to movies such as, A lot like love, because if Ashton Kutcher can make things go all happily ever after, then by golly why can't I? Further, if you continue to make these sappy movies and continue to allow me to watch them and think, "I had something like that once" and there were moments were "it was that easy", then I'm never going to move on and I will instead always be stuck in a freaking fantasyworld of your making.

Take some responsibility here and clean up your act, Hollywood. Romantic comedies are destroying marriages and forcing old lovers to reunite unwillingly. Bring back the singing and dancing of yesteryear. At least in those films the leads had to be frickin' talented to end up in love. Now any regular guy can meet the girl of his dreams and fall in love. What kind of message is that sending people?

I hope your spouse spits in your popcorn,
David

Speckled blue memories of Mexico?
Just listened to her new love, Jesus the Mexican boy. It took me back to a little yellow house I lived in when I was the less than two hands old. It didn't really take me back to the house as much as it took me back to a seat. The seat of my first bicycle was soft and vinyl, or something resembling vinyl. It was a banana seat, blue like the bike, with three quarters of a silver halo on the back end. Trapped beneath the blue vinyl were shiny blue specks. In the right light, or most any direct light, the specks seemed to dance on the elongated seat. I can almost remember my dad holding onto the halo, as I gripped the handlebars. I certainly recall the street where I learned to ride. It was 50th street. It was flat as could be and lined with well-trimmed lawns, perfect landing spots for a biker in training. The bikes brand escapes me now, as does the shape of the handlebars, but that seat I can almost press my 20 years older hand against its squishiness and watch the blue specks sparkle between my fingers.

Where I'm at, Ultimate-ly
I'm in a place where I am more excited to go watch a team I've been hollering at for two years than I am to play. I'm in a place where I can't see waking up in 6 hours to go prove myself to the new team in town. I'm so tired of recovering, the what I'm recovering for is starting to slip away.

Where I'm at, Halo-listicly
I spent the better part of my evening in video game "Kill. Kill. Kill." mode. I think I had some pent up aggression because I've never enjoyed Halo so much.

Where I'm at, Galaxylylyly
Saw the movie based on the book based on the radio show by Mr. Douglas Adams. The movie reminded me how much I enjoyed the books. In and of itself I thought it was fairly unmemorable.

Where I'm at
No turntables. No microphone. One jar of honey, tipped over, but bagged. One crumpled gray hoodie. One microfiber towel, folded then crumpled. One blueberry iMac on its decline. One vain calendar complete with Grandma and Prom Date. One safari hat atop one stuffed cushy backpack next to one comfy looking purple sheeted beddy bye.

Hurray for fake holidays!
After I accepted my card, some breakfast grub, and a lovely gift, I decided that maybe I'm not so administrative anymore. I offered to give back the gift, but it didn't fly. Happy AP Day, yo.

Next up, No Pants Day! is May 6. Speaking of not flying, I don't think this one will fly at work either. I want to be a rebel, but I also want to continue being an overpaid-non-administrative-wizard of whatever it is I do. So my options are use my personal holiday, which would be fun, or celebrate after work. I think the latter is probably the ticket. Who is up for some pantsless fun the evening of Friday, May 6? Maybe we could go pantsless bowling or to see a pantsless movie. Or we could just ran pantsless up and down busy streets. I'm up for a goodly quantity of pantslessness if you are.

Seeking balance?
Try beer and a Nicholas Sparks novel.

If a greatest occurs and nobody cares, how great is it?
The hunt for a successful greatest ended this past Sunday. The reaction wasn't that stellar. I guess I'll have to do it better next time.

Tuesday is too close to Monday
It's moving in the right direction though.

Vanity
is filling up your camera's memory card with shots of yourself. It's not full.

What makes an administrative professional?
I'm just asking whether or not I get to celebrate tomorrow.

Especially not in slow motion or with an extreme close-up
Do you ever picture Keira bending over to one side to throw a perfect flick? Or laying out to make a sweet grab? Do you ever picture her running through the streets, the pinks and greys of the morning sky painted above her bouncing hair? Do you ever picture her curled up in an Ikea chair, her legs hidden beneath an afghan while she quietly reads and sips her tea? No? No. Me either.

The drink of my life
The thing about sports movies, like say, The Game of Their Lives is that when I'm through watching them I like to do things in slow motion and play passionate orchestral music in my head.

I. will. now. walk. to. the. kitchen. Remove a glass. from the cabinet. Hold it high. like a trophy. (the music in my head crescendos). I will pour. the water. Raise the glass. in triumph. again. And take. a satisfying drink.

The music will continue. If you're lucky, you'll get a montage of the previous scene. Removing glass. Drinking water. Raising glass!
AHHHHHHHHHH.

The movie of the game of their lives
The movie was decent. Kind of generic. They started in on the inspirational music waaaay too early for my tastes. The soccer games were fun. I'm pumped up and ready to go play something. That's all I really wanted. It wasn't "Rudy". Grown men will not likely be crying. Unless they get something in their eye, of course.

Some sort of emotional fender-bender
It started yesterday when I nearly cried during a preview for an Ashton Kutcher/Amanda Peet movie. Maybe it started before that, when I was thinking about my 85th birthday party. I planned a bike ride with my family and neighbors in my groovy living community. No flying cars for us, it was back to basics on a beautiful sunny day in 2063. Then I was forced to imagine it without my family and I realized that optimism is a lot easier from 58 years away.

Today it’s this.(Thanks, Rob.) I feel like I’ve lost another little piece of my past. It feels a little selfish for me to whine about the death of a man I never spoke with. It is. a little selfish. But I’m going to do it anyway, because there are times when I feel like little pieces are just chipping away from my life all the time. Memories get fuzzier. Yesteryear gets grander, today is not quite so golden. There’s no one to blame but me. Five years from now this will be the time of my life, or else I’ll be on the cusp of something really big. Why not now? Let go of the pizza places of the past and their eccentric parking attendants. Embrace the Potbelly of today. There are crazy guys all over this city and if I want one, I’m sure I could go out and find one. I didn’t want one when I was in C-town, why do I miss him now? With no offense intended to his memory or his family, what am I really losing? What have I really lost? A tiny piece of the human embodiment of a memory of a place that I didn’t even frequent all that much when you consider how ridiculously close I lived to it. Yet, I’m sad, like I’ve lost something important to me. It’s worse than “lost,” it’s losing. It’s this slippery slope of memory and I can’t control it. It’s tumbling away.

There are days that I make new memories. Days that I make new friends, but the intensity of the past isn’t there. The intensity of the past wasn’t at school either. The intensity of the past is always past. So why does it seem to linger so much in my present?

This 85th birthday. Living communities are the wave of the next 50 years. It’s what we’re lacking, isn’t it? That community? Those people who were like family even though they don’t share your blood. Small towns will rise again. People will seek connection instead of refuge. Or they won’t and they’ll sit around and pontificate to the emptiness of the Internet and remember the wonders of long ago. They’ll remember a time no one quite remembers and dream of a time they can’t quite forget.

Some stuff that desperately needs to be told to the Internets
1. Fever Pitch, the movie, based on the Hornby book, with the twist. That one. The real twist is it's pretty good. I want to be in love. I want to watch baseball. I want to move to Boston last year.

2. The KTBD (Kate to be determined) is an Erin. It's all so clear to me now.

3. The twin. She knows her peoples. Henceforth, when she tells me to go hang out with someone, I'm not wasting six months first.

4. This will come as no surprise but "The Twenty" at some theaters which is 20 minutes of commercials is like three cellphones on my annoyance rating system.

5. The annoyance rating system (ars) is something I created while typing number four, but I'm thinking that it starts at one cell phone and ends at five strangers on cell phones poking you with burning sticks. There's also stuff in between.

6. The ars may need some tweaking.

Cool
Record-setting decathalons in Columbia, MO.

Not so cool?
Besides being not healthy, now coffee is increasing commute time. It's The Starbucks Effect. Wonder what the black cup thinks of that...

Absolute power
I'm declaring this Monday null and void and refusing to participate. I'm also declaring every red food to be packed with essential vitamins and minerals. Red hots will save us all. And laundry will do itself.

International House of STFU
Two chocolate milks is at least one too many, especially out. The corporates put too much sauce in their milk. Next time I’m getting me 1 order of milk, 1 order of chocolate milk, and 1 extra glass. That’s just plum smart. And another thing, swedish pancakes not made by Al Johnson (or using the Al Johnson mix) are like really thin pieces of ass covered with lingonberries. Lingonberries!?! It’s like it’s not even a fruit in those other countries that make up the I’m Hopped up on Pancakes establishment. It’s just fruit flavored or something whack like that. This is not Wisconsin and IHOP can suck it. And lingonberry butter is a bad idea. It combined the tastes of bad berries with the tastes of bad butter. Nobody puked, but they don’t sell the stuff in stores for a reason.

I blame Ol' Roy: Continuing to reflect on "coaching"
I was watching some old running movies and listening to what the coaches were saying. It was "Go." It was "Catch that guy." It was "You can do it." By the time the race is in progress and similarly by the time the game is being played there's not much a coach can do. There are personnel decisions, but we'll ignore those for this reflection. Coaching takes place behind the scenes, in the preparation. When it's game time, coaches become cheerleaders. Less so in football, perhaps, but in the fluid sports, the only chance a coach gets to coach the whole team is during the breaks, timeouts, half-time, commercial. There they get to make adjustments, make recommendations, but they can't teach new skills and they can't reach a team that isn't listening. And that I decided is what really defines a coach. Is anybody listening? If they are- coach. If they're listening and they're talented- coach of the year. I don't mean to question the value of a coach- they teach, motivate, adjust. Coaches change people's lives, but a coach can't do any of that without players that respond. So, why do I blame Ol' Roy? Because the only time I hear about coaches are when they are out there in the big game. The coaching is nearly done by then. It's one last little push (perhaps a bigger push at the higher levels, but relative to all those months and years the coach has put in, it's little.) Pushing on...

I get my news from Leeza Gibbons
Just heard word that the metrosexual is out, manly men are back in, which leaves me in about the same spot I was when you last checked in on my mantasticness. When did Leeza Gibbons get on the radio?

The only stapler I've ever wanted to drag race
We got a new stapler in the office today. It's silver. The florescent lights reflect off it's shiny surfaces and it makes me want to staple faster'n lightning. It also makes me want some flame decals, a pretty lady dropping a scarf, and a malt, not necessarily in that order.

And for those of you not driving staplers
There are flags for crossing the street. I'm all for smarter pedestrians, cheap solutions, and sleek sexy staplers, not necessarily together.

On the outside looking in
I've spent roughly 21 hours outside over the last 5 days. I watched a lot of Ultimate over the weekend. I don't think I've watched that much since Nationals 2 years ago. It's usually hard for me to watch because I want to play, but this past weekend it was different. Maturity? perhaps. More likely vanity. It was a B-team tournament and not to say that there weren't a number of athletes who could have jumped over me, run past me, and thrown 10x as far, especially in my current state, but I was content to watch knowing that I had a funny thing called experience on my side. I'm an old man, but at least I don't prance around with my shirt off like some other team's coach.

Coach. There it is again. I've denied that term all along, but I seem to be slipping into that role. I'm trying to figure out how much you need to know to be a coach. I feel like there's a line I should have to cross or a test I should have to take to be a coach, but maybe it's not so much a matter of skill but a matter of commitment. I'm going to ask some coaches I know what they think. Maybe I crossed that line when I showed up to support the team for a whole weekend. Maybe I passed that test when I kept right on screaming until the last moment of Sunday. I'm not a Bobby Knight kinda coach, but if you've shared the field with me you know sometimes I like to add a little volume to my instruction/opinion/blatantly ridiculous statement. My two favorite hollers of support from this weekend:
1. Hard Defense. Smart Offense. Hippopotamus.
2. That was boring as hell. I love it!

The latter was in reference to my team (they also became my team over the weekend) making pass after pass down the field. It was always the easy pass and it took a while, but they scored and it was one of the most satisfying moments of my Ultimate career.

Not again
I miss the days when you could look at a person speaking out of the side of her mouth, head cocked, looking at a place neither here nor there and think--"Hmm. Crazy person." Today, I'm forced to think, "Hmm. She might be sane. She might have an ear piece." It really muddies the waters of madness.

There’s lots of I
In Columbia, I’d started too late. In Kansas City and Ohio, I couldn’t stick around. In DC, I haven’t found one that I like or the ones that I do like are pretty laid back and have a revolving door of players. So, I’ve never really been able to grow with a team. Or have I? I spent this weekend watching a group of 10 or so goofy looking Ultimate players. Ultimate players are inherently goofy-looking, but this group takes the lack of intimidation to new levels. I’ve watched and hollered and “coached” several of them over the last two years and this weekend I realized that they’ve grown. They played their hearts out. They played the toughest defense and smartest offense I’ve ever seen them play. They did that, but I think my hollering may have helped.

I’m so proud of them.

Heaven
probably looks a lot like today. I also surmise that there are no groin pulls, or any other injury for that matter. The wind always blows lightly at your back and every bid is h-o-t, hot!

Brief news (NOT news about underwear)
This week has afforded me the opportunity to read a lot of newspapers, mostly USA Today, the Washington Post, Express, and the Examiner. For the most part this means I've read a lot of comics, a lot of advice columns, and a lot of headlines that I then immediately forgot. I did realize that I've missed the feel of the news. The Internet just doesn't quite go as well with breakfast as the morning paper. My favorite stories this week provided to you without links or even reference for that matter:

1. The pope inspired this retired journalist to convert to Catholicism.

2. Parity in basketball in both the men's and women's game. Since the men's game is in an overall decline due to the exodus to the NBA and the women's game is improving I'm hoping for the story about the men vs. the women. I think the Harvard president should write it.

3. The incredible story of the Baylor Bears and their determined coach. Spurned assistant coach leaves alma mater, builds losing program with savvy scouting and determination. Champions. Much rejoicing. It's a good story. So good that I think I read some version of it at least 6 times.

4. It doesn't take an Ivy league degree to be a CEO anymore. There is hope for all of us, or at least the next Trump-ette.

My least favorite story:
Camilla and Charles

The most embarrassing realization:
There's a war going on and I ignore it almost completely.

Dear John
With the sort of desperation that can only come from too many lemonades and the potential for long rides on short trains with no bathrooms, he slipped into a port-a-potty that seemed built for him. Perhaps not him exactly, because it wasn't particularly well lit and since the sun had set this caused a particular darkness when the door was closed, but it was so messy anyway that he was sure that poor aim would probably go unnoticed. The port-a-potty of his prayers was located in a bit of an alley between the yuppie grocer and a movie rental establishment. As he relieved himself in the darkness he heard the clack-clack-clack of several pairs of high heels making their way past. The thing about high heels is that they almost never travel alone. Usually a woman takes up residence above them. Not looking forward to emerging from this street toilet into the company of the opposite sex, he listened closely as the clack-clack-clack faded away and then pushed hurriedly on the door. It didn't budge. The plastic lock was stuck. He had wondered if shutting the door completely had been a mistake and now with renewed wonder he debated the potential embarrassment that would follow if he had to shout for help. The embarrassment looked to be so thorough and the plastic lock so weakened by repeated shaking that he was able to emerge from the alleyway loo violently, but unscathed. A quick scan of the area revealed that the people around him had not let him down with their collective and complete disinterest in both the man and the toilet. He slipped quietly away and out of third person.

It's make-believe
Yesterday, I either made up a picture or I made up Scott's presence on the canoe trip. A second look through the photos reveals no trace of Scott. It's plenty of people Scott has purported to like on more than one occasion, but the man himself is glaringly absent- like a vampire or a myth or a little of both.

It's magic
Public Transportation is magic. It makes me walk more than I otherwise would. I don't even like walking that much, but what's another mile when it's such a beautiful day? Over the weekend I visited two different art cinemas, the grocery store, the Moto Photo, a Lebanese restaurant, two major chain bookstores, an Apple store, and a paper store without ever going near my car. Magic!

I'll give you nostalgia
I was already feeling a little funny going to pick up what could be the last roll of film I ever have developed. It's a funny thing to think about. Rolls of film, having pictures developed, wondering where to store all those negatives, those are now dated concepts. The world is a changing place. There's no lag time between taking the picture and seeing what you've done. It's crazy.

Almost as crazy as taking in a roll of film that's been sitting around for at least 3 years. I knew one picture was on that roll, a picture of me and my mini-keg trophy. (For defensive disc prowess rather than whatever it is that mini-kegs usually bring to mind.) I assumed the rest would be from the Ultimate tournament. They weren't. They're from a canoe trip. Twin was there. And a Kate to be identified later. Justin, Scott, Rob, Chrissy, Chris, Dori, Laura, Paul-- they were all there too. So was an unidentifiable leg. It was the start of their senior year, or junior in some cases. They look so young. I look so young. So beardless, so haired. These are the pictures from a transition period. The time between school and ski lift operator. There are only 7 and had I developed that roll of film 3 years ago, it probably would have slid straight into an album without much thought, but right now it seems very special. It arrives in another transition period. Maybe this time it's from rolls of film to digital, or maybe it's something else. Either way, it's nice to see my friends.

Woody and another decade
There's something special about watching Woody Allen movies in old theaters, or at least theaters that look old. I think it's the music and the simple white on black credits. It just makes me feel like movies are still special and Woody understands that. I don't love his movies, but I think he understands the experience. He makes me feel a little less guilty about spending $8.50, because he gets it. He gets the "going to the pictures for entertainment" feel that isn't all about SELL. SELL. SELL. I appreciate that, but then of course I would, because it reminds me of a time that I wasn't born in. I'm a sucker for someone else's nostalgia.

Fools, Fools,
we're all fools
Today at work I said, "Everyone is an idealist when it's someone else's work." I'm sure it's been said before and it doesn't even look that good in print, but it sounded really profound. I, uh, swear it.

Fools, Fools,
we're all fools
It's almost 7 pm on this Friday night and I'm feeling all jumpy. I want dinner, but instead I'm eating Tuxedos, everybody's favorite faux-Oreo, or is that fauxreo? Wow. I like that. fauxreo, FAUXreo, fauxREO, faux... I don't like it that much. I'm sure that has nothing to do with the jumpiness.

Fools, Fools,
we're all fools
I have no plan. I have no plan for tomorrow. I have no plan for tonight. I need to go to the bathroom. OOH. A PLAN!!!!

fools, fools...

What if friends were like passwords and you had to get new ones every 90 days, but instead you just changed them slightly so that you wouldn’t forget them?
That would be sad.

Peeps to the pizzo
Peeps arrived in the cube today through the mail. I guess they'll ship anything these days. Upon arrival and after expressing my disgust, I found out that the little pink peep bunnies were not in fact the original peep. Oh no. There are little pink chicks too. The chicks are more three dimensional, though just as foul. As I meted out the little peeps to coworkers, I got suspicious looks.

"I just don't like them, all right," I tried to explain.
"Didn't you just go to the SPAM museum?" they asked.

Curses.

La,la,la,layover
It was a land of flip-flops and cotton-candy pants. I could almost feel the sunburn on their cheeks and smell the tequila. It didn't matter if they were coming or going. Bleached blond boys with their roots showing were hanging onto tiny girls with cali on one cheek and fornia on the other. Woven together by the fibers in their trendy track suits they meandered toward the gate to Ft. Lauderdale or Cancun or some such tropical destination. "This is going to be awesome" their eyes seemed to say. Mostly, they traveled in threes and fives. Someone's arm was always around someone else. One could only imagine that the odd one out was hoping that the closer they got to the equator the closer the group would become. And it wouldn't just be them, it would be an entire bar or row of bars or maybe even a city. It would be this pulsing mass of track suits and flip-flops and butt cheeks with important messages all pounding together in one heap of rollicking Spring Breakedness. All this in the Detroit airport. And it wasn't even noon.

I met the girl of my dreams
and was none too pleased when I woke up.

She played Ultimate for a mixed team called The Cynical Tyrants though she wanted to start a women's team. She was a bit of a nudist, didn't quite get along with my friend Renny, and drove a really nice car that I don't think exists. She was cute and funny and had snowboarding posters on her walls.

Other details I remember: Renny and I compared the sleeves on our Gor-Tex jackets.
The car seemed to be part BMW Z-3 and part old-time roadster.
There was snow on the ground when we got to her car, but I don't remember any before that.
Renny had friends with him, but I didn't know them.
I asked her out and somehow we had to go to her car and then to her house to get her phone number. That seems awfully smooth.

Easter Bag Hunt
Tomorrow morning while lots of little children are running around searching for candy, I will be running to the airport to search for my luggage. Northwest was really in a giving spirit this week. They gave me more food vouchers than I could use. They upgraded my seat. They sent me to an airport closer to my home, but they couldn't do the same for my luggage. All I had to endure was a two hour delay, a cancelled flight after a three hour delay, and another one hour delay. For those of you that haven't been in first class, it's not amazing. The drinks come in glass instead of plastic and the armrest is big enough to share. Other than that it's a few inches of legroom and a lot of strange looks from the flight attendants. (Free drinks of the alcoholic sort if you so desire.) I'd take an on time departure any day.

Super Techno-wizard jargon debunked and/or mocked
I'm shopping for a digital camera. Being a curmudgeon-in-training, I have quickly come to realize that the tech-speak gives me a headache. In order to make light of my inability to care about important technology that will revolutionize my picture-taking experience I will now mock some of the terminology that I don't know or understand.

megapixels: not just giant dots anymore, megapixels are like calories, the more you have the better you feel, as long as your megapixels aren't empty megapixels. Nobody wants that.

Optical zoom: Picture Grover (not Cleveland)going near and far. Now picture his eye. Now picture an eight ball over his pupil. Punk Sesame Street characters with their personal expression.

Digital zoom: This is the sound your favorite techno band makes when the crowd gets really rowdy and they have to leave in a hurry. Either that or it's the sound robot toddlers make when they are playing with their miniature digital cars. Why does my camera need this sound?

NIMH batteries: These are batteries powered by brilliant, though misunderstood rats. They don't last as long as Lithium batteries, nor do they provide 1.21 Jiggawatts, but you're not running a flux capacitor here.

Flux Capacitor: Uncommon on today's digital cameras, but it's what makes time travel possible.

LCD screen: This is where you watch all the kids taking their LCD. It's trippy, but the bigger the screen the clearer the trip will be.

Film: Glaringly absent from the entire digital camera phenomenon. Kodak is pissed, but you will now have the not unique and mind-numbing ability to shoot hundreds of pictures and then share them with your friends with little thought to cost or quality. (Not that anyone you know would do that.)

And thusly, chanting my favorite piece of non-advice "Ignore unsolicited advice" I managed to keep my big yammer shut and not offer advice that was not asked of me

More thoughts from the road:

*To me road trips are about past-- so much reminds me of what has already happened. The waking up to the sun reflecting off of snow was a friendly reminder of the good times I had in the longest winter of my life. The red-roofed building, a reminder of a Stuckey's joke I never quite got. The music blaring requires that I recall so many road trips from before to N'awlins, Chicago, Toronto, and more. The times I was stuffed like like a sardine in a teal Mustang, or had no one riding shotgun as I headed to see Elvis. It reminds me of mountains and emotional valleys that I have since driven away from, but always seem to be driving toward.

*It's also about present. About the realization that certain people hug like they have something to prove and certain people hug like they have something to give and certain people hug like they need to borrow a little bit of your love and you should let them. About the fact that when you say "good sense of humor" you actually mean "laughs at my jokes." And the fact that there is a whole different world out there and it's best not to forget it. Because somehow you need to remember that far apart is not always spacious and grown-up is not always suffocated by responsibility. It's ok if vegetarians eat meat and it's ok if two people want to rush back into love. It's ok to camp out in the living room near a creek, Dawson's, because vacation is what you make it.

I have seen the SPAM
and it is glorious. While it's true that I seem to have an affinity for the cult-favorite processed meats, I would think that anyone* would enjoy the SPAM museum. I spent 2 hours there. It seemed to me that most people were done in 35 minutes. Go figure. Although the SPAM exam was a bit of a thrill, I think my favorite tidbit was The SPAM girls. We just don't have enough traveling shows with singing and dancing to promote products anymore. The SPAMettes seemed kind of interesting too. Like the lady said, "There are thousands of female quartets, but we're the only ones that sing about SPAM." The best part of all though, FREE ADMISSION. The SPAM museum gets my seal of approval.

Thanks SPAMtown, USA!





*In this case anyone should like SPAM, SPAM advertising, and Hormel (whether you say it Hormel or HorMEL, you know you're right...)

The SPAM museum IS SO a vacation destination
I'm on vacation. I'm going to the SPAM museum. If I get free samples, I'm stuffing them in my pockets and everyone I know is getting some because never before has my vacation destination caused such an adverse reaction. Not even the Rhode Island-Delaware combo with the side of Newark-Newark caused this kind of stir.

On my trip I am making a few other non-SPAM related stops. I am currently impersonating Kristin in the Quad City area. It's a good gig. There will probably be more on that later. For now, I'll share some of my thoughts on the first leg of my road trip.

-Rest areas have wireless Internet, now? Because you can't rest without the Internet.

-Kum & GO? Seriously? Is this convenience porn?

-Driving in the Midwest makes me think I'm headed to one of two destinations: University of Missouri-Columbia or the Rocky Mountains. It's strange when I'm not.

-I used to think everyone on the road was headed to MU with me, now I look at cars and wonder where they could possibly be going. There's a metaphor in there, I'm sure of it.

-Road trips are doing nothing with a destination. There's something deeper in there too.

I'll try to shake some more out and sing more songs in falsetto tomorrow.

SPAM. SPAM. SPAM. SPAM.

Ways my life is not like my fuzzy recollection of the Dukes of Hazzard
1. The only woman in town is neither my cousin nor wearing short-shorts.

2. My brother and I don't live together. The man I live with almost never slides across the hood of his car (at least not when I'm around).

3. The law is not a fat man; though it may or may not be as incompetent.

4. I do not enter my car through the window. No one I know does this. Which begs the question: What's the point of growing up if you don't enter your car through the window?

5. I can't remember the last time I tried to jump a crick 'cause the bridge was out. For that matter, I haven't run from the law in quite some time either.

6. My uncle does not wear overalls or drive a jeep or possibly run moonshine.

7. I do not know anyone named Ennis.

8. The narrator is conspicuously absent.

9. The line between good and evil is not so easy to distinguish outside of Hazzard County.

10. I don't have cool music nor does life freeze right before I'm about to find myself in a whole heap a trouble.

...and she has to be animated...
I'm not looking for Ms. Perfect, more like...
Elastigirl. It's a stretch, I know...

"It's kind of like an unofficial college holiday"
When did green beer go out of fashion? I don't remember ever hearing so many (at least 2) people (or was it publications?) rail against green beer. Is it the town? Or has green beer gone the way of jalepeno pepper Christmas lights? Why it seems like just yesterday you couldn't have a party* without either and now look at this place.

*I've never been to a party with either as far as I can recall. It felt poetic. Happy St. Patrick's Day. If you've got Irish in you, let it out.

Avril Lavigne: gateway drug
It could be a coincidence, sure. At about the time that I snagged my first Avril album (Wait. Have there even been others? That answers your query, Clare.) I started to realize that there was a whole lot of music out there. I assume some part of me already knew that fact, seeing as I had multiple friends with CD case upon CD case, but I had always managed quite nicely on less than 25 CDs. Suddenly, it occurred to me that the world was more than SK8r boi and what the radio was feeding me.

Fast forward to today where I now consume what the Listening rack at the local independent bookstore is feeding me. (Still with quite a bit of restraint compared to some.) Today's entrees are a fun bluegrassy, folksy, female-driven The Ditty Bops and Petra Hayden sings the Who Sell Out. I'm not much of a The Who fan. The Who? Exactly. has often been my motto, although I suppose I did name a snowboard after a rock opera that I'd never seen, but that is neither... Right. So this Petra character sings the whole album, a live album from what I'm told. When I say the whole album, I mean everything. This is an acapella version of The Who Sell Out , all the drums, the guitars, the-one-can only-imagines-what-The Who-plays all sung by Petra. When I first heard it, I found out that I did know one song, "I can see for Miles and Miles," but basically through the whole unfamiliar album I didn't know whether I was supposed to laugh or be moved. I kind of like that in a CD and I couldn't get it out of my head, so today I bought it. I can't decide whether to laugh or praise it for being beautiful. Maybe I should ask Avril.

The more things change, the hungrier I get?
For those of you just tuning in, or looking at blog trends, the last 17 days for me went something like this: search for meaning, forgetfulness, self-confidence/food/weather, vanity, music, video games, "Nobody mocks harder," frustration/dreams, weather, frustration/escape, nostalgia, food.

I'm detecting some trends here. Let's compare it to the same time period last year: Hilary Duff, DE poetry, blogs, voting, CVS girl, action, Saturday AM, Grand Canyon/girl, laughs, "YOU CAN'T HAVE MY PANTS!" TV on DVD, interview with myself.

The year before that: musical prepositions, Mr. Rogers died, friends, grumpiness, Avril Lavigne, "My life has more bells and whistles." elevator etiquette, war, mix tapes, awkwardness, sister's growth.

Hmm. Very interesting. (That's what you say when you don't know what else to say. If you really don't know what to say, extend your "r" in the "very" and speak slower. Like this: verrrrrry interesting. It makes you seem more thoughtful and/or stupid. It's a crap shoot, really.)

The burrito that's killing my brain cells
My burrito, so carelessly wrapped in foil. First it’s a shiny silver gift. Then an ice cream cone. Soon a spicy hot forty in a soft silver bottle. Walk with a weave, as rice and peppers and little bits of chicken fall to the ground. At least the ones that don’t get stuck in my beard. I’m saving the scraps and ruining my breath. I burrow deeper into the cylinder of faux-Mexican meal on the move. Savagely biting at what’s already dead. The weave of my walk is but a drunken burrito stupor. The last unpleasant scraps are slurped as chewing has become too much like thinking and both I eschew. I wad up the wrapping, the cone, the bottle, the foil, the trash. It’s a tiny misshapen ball, remnants of a meal squished between a malleable metal. Crumpled and useless it lands in a barrel as I stumble on toward home. The motion sensor lights announce my arrival as I make my way straight for the car. Climbing, I lie face up on the roof. For what better use of an auto than as a metal mattress with a perfect view of the sky and telephone wires. This is not where I usually take my respite, but then I’ve never been bombed on a burrito.

With respect to the author, Ms. Olson, I offer up a little inspiring bit of nostalgia. Hope she doesn't mind, wherever she may be.
I found this going through some zip disks. It still gets me right *here*.


Let’s say there’s this bunch of kids that you know.
Maybe you even met them once upon a time in what you now
know will one day soon be a faraway land.
And perhaps you knew the moment you stepped into the world
they share that these kids were like nothing you’d ever
seen before.
Probably even like nothing you’d ever see again.
They are the artists of a generation that has been said to have no
direction, no defining characteristics, no real purpose.
But you realize upon introduction that whoever said that hasn’t
been to this world, and certainly hasn’t met the ragged
bunch of kids that live here.
They offer themselves honestly and without pretense in a calm
come-as-you-are fashion.
They are harsh critics that know what they like and dislike
about you within seconds.
But they are forgiving, and they won’t hold a grudge over a simple
flaw of the personality—they simply find you all the
more interesting.
These kids don’t really know themselves yet, haven’t had a
chance to explore, and most of them have seemingly no
idea of their full potential.
When they do finally realize it, they’ll probably scare the hell
out of the rest of the world.
These kids are not perfect, but you realize, as the old saying
goes, nobody is.
They have courage beyond their years—courage to find
themselves, to live according to their own happiness, and
to make their own ways.
Perhaps you wish that you had the guts to act with their
abandon.
They want to share every thought that occurs, every word
produced by their pens, and each melody that plays at
the tips of their fingers and parting of their lips.
To think twice about confessing sin, divulging desires, or
professing true love is unheard of, because these kids
live to tell a story.
To go unheard is to starve.
Maybe these kids are so talented and so bright that you have
been afraid to take part.
Maybe you’ve always been envious that you couldn’t quite
follow suit.
Maybe one day, you get brave.
You’ve always admired their world from a distance, and
wondered what it would be like to participate.
But you’ve come to realize that you’re never really going to
belong here.
But this doesn’t make you sad—not at all.
You’ve had your chance, had a taste of this incredibly unique
world, and that taste has been far from bitter.
It has simply shown you that you belong somewhere else.
So maybe you leave this world and this amazing group of kids.
You’re probably torn, because you know that you’ll never find
another place like this with people like that.
But you know that it’s time, that the decision has been made,
and that you have to go.
And maybe, just maybe, you will forever hold in your heart a
little piece of that world.
Because you have to know, to feel that it would be impossible
to forget a bunch of kids who have shown you so much,
who have taught you to perform, reminded you how to
play, and who have blessed you with the courage to
finally give back a little part of yourself.
And maybe most of all, you hope that these kids won’t forget
you, either.

Not even a good spectator
I'm so sick of watching Ultimate. I just want to play. I don't think I mentioned that I pulled my groin last week. It's great for say, having people ask, "How's your groin?" The attention is nice, but really it's kind of a private area; mine perhaps less so than some... Anyway, I'm tired of standing on the sidelines and wishing I could be in the action. I had three lovely weeks of running and jumping and now I'm back to stalking the sidelines and hollering. It's just adding to my frustration, actually I think it's more like multiplying. I just read a book that was all about the "things happen for a reason" schtick, which I totally buy, especially if the reason is postive and instantly gratifying and identifiable. When it isn't, like now for instance, I'm all about the WHY? WHY? WHY?

Candy quiche and the liquid brownies
We could stand around and debate the times and places where I may have erred in the kitchen tonight, but maybe you should sit. I can see (and still taste several hours later) now that shortbread crust is not the best crust for a quiche. But it said "Ready Crust" in such big letters.

Maybe ginger is not the ideal nutmeg substitute, but really they're both spices, right? How different can they be?

Timers, measuring cups-- those are for people that don't cook intuitively. I feel the kitchen. The kitchen feels me. And the kitchen likes. Me. Ow.

"I just felt like running"
Escape is my new four letter word. It's all I do. (Not that four letter words are all I do.) I get home, turn on the Xbox and escape into a game of football. I don't listen to the game, I'm too busy escaping via the radio. When push button football turns me antsy, I head to my room for some vicarious living through blogs- which is just an escape. That gets old quickly. I'm not sure if it's me, or the sites I'm reading, but things seem to be a little slow of late. So I escape with the closest TV on DVD. I'm tempted to start watching Buffy all over again. Alias doesn't tempt me in the same way, not that I wouldn't watch the new season if it happened to be on a DVD wiggling in front of my face. That lasts an hour or two and then I'm ready to escape into a nice slumber. Every morning I grab my hip Express which is just my Metro escape tool. After a week of hard work, it's either escape to the cinema or escape to the Ultimate field. Escape is a four letter word. It may also be spelled l-i-f-e. Can't escape that...

Old man hangs in
I've got to hand it to the old man. I had my doubts early, but Old man Winter has been hanging on. I thought he'd slipped away when it reached 60, but with the paddles to his chest his chilly heartbeat came beeping back through the heart monitors. This morning it was 50 degrees and for all practical purposes I figured the old guy was out. 50 degrees in the morning? That's like a closed casket or something, but the old guy ripped through the casket and turned the rain into snow and then with a mighty huff he sent the temperature plummeting 20 some odd degrees.

(Now between you and me, I know that the DC version of old man winter is a little weak. He's getting on in years, though you wouldn't know it from the way this town reacts to his dandruff and icy stares. In all fairness, I'm judging him by past performance; it wouldn't be right to compare him to a real winter. Compared to someplace like Texas, he's like Super Old Man winter. Whose comic book incidentally never took off. I digress.)

We interrupt this post to announce that there will be no more gressing for today. Tune in tomorrow for another exciting gressful post.

What's the written equivalent of shaking your head really really fast back and forth so that your lips flap around and your brain rattles against the inside of your skull?
'Cause that's what I need to do to get back on track. Any semblance of creativity has taken a major dip, even the old confidence shower didn't quite fix things up. (Bet you didn't know that if you twist past cold and past hot you get to confidence. It's true and you know it works because it burns.)

I'm stuck. I'm stuck. I'm stuck.

I had a dream last night. In it I was running a race, only I was so sore from earlier in the day that I couldn't get anywhere fast. All I could do was plod along. And everyone was running faster than me. In my dream I could tell they were waiting for me at the finish because we had someone important to meet. Someone important like Margo. Still, I couldn't go any faster. I distinctly remember my friends Monika and Matt commenting on how incredibly slow I was. At some point it became night time and all the other racers disappeared. I was all alone and running at speeds that can't even technically be called speeds, because that sounds too fast. When out of nowhere this car came along and nudged me. The next thing I knew I was in a screaming match with the female passenger. When I realized yelling wasn't helping the situation, I told her to take a deep breath. I took one too. Then I calmly explained why she needed to share the road, and why it wasn't necessary for her car to run into me. She saw my point and changed her driving habits forever.

There's a valuable lesson in there somewhere. I think it's don't race around if you have to meet Margo, lest you get hit by a car driven by a passenger.

If I had a radio station and/or Soul Train spinoff
The slogan would be: Nobody mocks harder.

You want to talk pressure?
It's half time in the Carriage House final regular season match-up between the Denver (smelly) Broncos and the Kansas City Chiefs. Both have incredible 2,000 yard rushers, with three games left in the season. Both have winning records, though the Broncs currently maintain the leagues only perfect record. The Chiefs lead 10-3 at the half. The Chiefs are a 9-4 team, but they are used to the gritty battles. They have won some very close games, and they'll try to win one right now. They are plagued by mistakes and a poor defense however. I'm predicting 17-13 win. Back after the half.

The reason his soul burns
The game was tied at 17. A fourth down stop left the Chiefs at the 43 with 2 seconds left. Trent Green, under pressure, rolled out to the left to avoid one Bronco and as another came near he launched a prayer down the field toward the goal line. At the 5, two Bronco defenders mis-timed their jumps. Standing at the back of the crowd, Samie Parker pulled down the prayer and then managed to get into the end zone. Parker will remember his third catch of the season, I have no doubt. (Except for the doubts that come from remembering that X-box game players don't really have memories.)

girl pop punk
They might not like it, but we do.
Melting into the wall so warm and pretty.
Just a flower watered by Irish creme and I'm
Waiting for some women to kick it,
not your bad mic banter you tiny Elviscostelloman.
It's not femme folk funk
Angry bald headed band with your distorted plan
It's girl pop punk, say it faster now--
it's girlPOPpunk, girlPOPpunk.
the drummer is appropriately mad
the lead, she's drunk, but still she's rad
that damn bass player, she makes me jitter.
girlPOPpunk, so angry, so bitter.
It's girlPOPpunk, yea yea yea
girlPOPpunk, come back for your encore
girlpoppunk, don't leave yet, we want more.
GIRL. POP. PUNK.

To the patron saint of Wails
The problem with such vanity is that when one tires of oneself, there's little left to say. Good thing there are photos.